drive
my project has a good mission, but I'm struggling to associate this mission to my need/desire to complete it. i truly believe the core idea of the mission is missing but I can't associate to my responsibility. why is it my issue? why is it something i need to do?
let me cook. right off the start the question is will someone else do this? i don't think so. it takes a certain person to think, execute, and truly reach out to these people. also, will these cs students really think of this? all they care about is leetcode and money.
which means that it need a certain person. also, what student will want to do this? they are probably worried about coop but I'm thinking about the culture shift of appreciation? what is wrong with me. do i have saviour complex or something? why do i keep associating myself with integrity and this mission?
i guess it's not bad to care about my integrity and also is it really bad to care about something like appreciation? i don't think so. i think my inner self is just cringing at the fact that the person who i become. reading, stretching and waking up early in the morning. how did i end up here? i used to play valorant all day and watch youtube being dumb all day.
is it really a conflict in identity? the actions i want to do is not associated with how i feel about myself inside. i think this is it. i don't see myself as a charitable person or a sjw type person. there's nothing wrong but how did i end up here? what the frick.
but, the solution is just accepting this change in identity but i don't want to. yet i want to do the tasks that are associated with this person. AHH! this is so frustrating. I'm so conflicted. I'm calling myself a nerd but yet i want to continue this is dumb. this whole things is dumb. what i want is what i want. just do it. whatever man.